Ok, I wrote this very quickly and it may just be a little bit o crack. I'm tired, so sue me. It just popped into my head like this.
Wish me luck with my voice-test, I could (really a big maybe) be doing stuff for UCT radio, maybe...
*crawls into bed*
Summary: “You're the freaking blessed-virgin Sheppard.”
Notes: I own nothing. Inspired by seekergeek's icon
“We're pregnant?!” Rodney wasn't sure if that was a statement or a question.
In Sheppard's defense, it wasn't one of those little stick-things. Though, how anyone could voluntarily allow oneself into such a situation that required peeing on a little plastic thermometer-type stick-thing was beyond him. Instead, they had a slip of paper, kindly slipped to them via a rather twitchy young marine. Who, consequently, had fled the room so fast he'd collided with one of the doors which didn't open in time.
“Huh.” By the confused/freaked-out/bemused/panicky look on Sheppard's face he guessed that this was some stupid (and really in-need-of-therapy-after-causing) prank and that there was more. Like proof.
“Two sets of DNA. Both are matches to two members of the expedition. Father: RM. Mother,” And here the younger man choked. “Mother: JS”
“You've been sick for the past three days....”
And then Colonel John Sheppard, of the United States Air force, did what on a number of occasions he'd taken the mickey out of other men for doing. He fainted. “This is all your fault, isn't it?” Rodney yelled at Atlantis.
“You haven't been fiddling with any Ancient stuff without me, have you?” Well, that was not something he'd thought to hear when he first woke up next to McKay. Perhaps screaming profanities or, preferably, a running commentary of possible suggestions from the Karma Sutra. “No, Rodney. It's dangerous enough with you.”
“Well, then would you then mind telling me how you landed up pregnant with my offspring? How did you even get pregnant anyway?” That was just to easy to ignore. “Well, you see McKay, when two people really love ea-mvr!” He'd been expecting a sharp prod or slap to the head. The desired result being to knock him out of this screwed-up dream. hopefully.
No such luck. All he got was a warm and surprisingly soft but firm hand across his mouth. “Shut up. Just shut up.”
The thing was they'd never, well, done it. Sure, with other people but never with each other. Best friends did not screw each others brains out. In truth, John had acknowledged to himself that he thought Rodney was strangely attractive and he did like him, but he wasn't sure how the other man would react if his attentions turned sexual. Then again, this was McKay, he probably wouldn't notice John's advances if the colonel walked around Atlantis naked with a big “Do Me, McKay!” sign on his chest. And how sad was it that that was the major reason he hadn't tried.
Now, you'd think that finding out that a man had gotten pregnant would have been what freaked them out the most. It wasn't. No. In fact that was the least freaky-out part.
“You're the freaking blessed-virgin Sheppard.” McKay smirked. “Except for, well, obviously the virgin part. Unless I seriously missed something and then I'd just have to make it my duty to get you laid.”
“Aw, thanks, McKay.” Yes he was being sarcastic but according to a little slip of paper from Carson, he was pregnant with McKay's sprog. Now he crossed his arms and pouted. “It's kinda unfair, though.”
“Well...I'm apparently a month along with your kid and we haven't even had sex yet.”
“How is that unfair?”
No, the freaking-out bit came from them not being really disturbed by the idea. After the initial shock had worn off. Instead they were back to bickering like an old married couple that many others had said they resembled. Old married couple indeed! John snorted. They had no idea.
“What? I can't want to have sex first before I get knocked-up?” Now Rodney's giving him that confused puppy-look that's made him let the other man blow up solar systems and try his food for citrus. “You'd better be willing to make an honest man out of me, McKay.”
Rodney raises an eyebrow. “You know, if I did, you'd have to give up the title of the Pegasus equivalent to Kirk.”
John smiles shyly. “I wouldn't mind.”
He receives a sultry-smug smile in return. “Well, then. Can't despoil your honour, now can I? At least not anymore. After all, I don't want you to feel cheated.” Okay, and maybe McKay wasn't as oblivious as he thought.
They're with Carson in the infirmary, the next day. Rodney had insisted that John at least get a proper physical. Now, the doctor was looking at them timidly and it was so possibly normal that it seemed impossible. Things like this just did not happen in the Pegasus Galaxy and not to John and Rodney.
“Uh, RM stands for “Randy Martin” and JS for “Jennifer Sawyer”. They're two of the anthropologists tha' just arrived.” Carson does not look good in red. John and Rodney psychically agree to at least bury him in blue. “Sorry about the mix up, lads. You understand, common mistake.”
“So, what you're saying is?”
“You have nothin' ta worry for, Colonel.” The doctor pats him on the shoulder and gives them apologizing looks. “I really am sorry for any trouble this may have caused ya.”
“You're still a dead-man, Carson.” Rodney glares as they leave the infirmary.
And really, John isn't worried. He's not pregnant, he has Rodney and the only thing that's changed between them is that they can now have sex. Yep, all is right in John Sheppard's world.
He may just have to find that marine so he can give him a proper thank you. Perhaps chocolate?